What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
