btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
