all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
