A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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