paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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