Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize