Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
