Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
