Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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