If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
time to smoke my breakfast
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
