I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
