Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
