I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
