Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
