ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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