You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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