Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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