this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
