I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
