Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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