Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
