yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize