i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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