Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
