I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
