My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize