started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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