Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
