you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
