Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my shit smells like andre
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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