there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
