recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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