I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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