I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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