I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
