So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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