How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
