I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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