And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
home. puking in laundry basket.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
