Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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