yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
