My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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