If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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