Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
50% drunk capacity currently
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
