ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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