At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
