Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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