did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
