Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
