Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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