He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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