she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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