people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
