i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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