She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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