We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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