I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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