your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
