that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
