I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
