I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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