I must be too annoying 4 u.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
