you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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