roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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