I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
