would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
