You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
