I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
