i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
