we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
