You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
