I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
