Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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