So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
