Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
