Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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