Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Randomize
