Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
