y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
