just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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